u know what's frightening? going through life feeling like a piece of shit. u get up only to realize that the day will suck and at the end of the day, u were completely right. it sucks that whenenver u get something good going for u, u either a) feel so sad that u have to cry or b) something quite horrible happens to u.

lately, i've been having bad luck. life's just getting progressively worse. i can't seem to get what i want or do what i need. instead some stupid silly event or moment will ruin my whole spirit.

sigh, 7 yrs is a long time to hate one's self. it doesn't help that everywhere u look, people have so many things that u want. one thing that comes to mind is when an obnoxious person is able to go out with a great person. or, a bitter, rude person who may do horrible things, can live a life without regrets and manage to succeed. yeesh, howcome the world is upside down? that's not right, that can't be right!

i know i don't want a b/f, but i do wish that normal guys wouldn't give me dirty looks. it's really depressing when all the action u get is from drunk guys, little boys and creepy pervs of all ages (especially the old ones)! seriously, why can't those creepy pervs leave me alone! i used to be able to get a nice guy to look at me, now they all just glare and hate me for some unknown reason!

u know what really sucks about this "boy" situation? i can't even have crushes on guys who i know. either they a) hate me or b) have girlfriends who want to kill me. regarding letter b, it's true. seriously, i have stories about that! i now seem to have crushes on guys from tv and it doesn't help that the guy i've had a crush on for like the past year and a half is quite close to my perfect guy! k, how can that be? i'll never meet him, and even if i do, he'll give me dirty looks! so, is this some sort of way to burn me? i guess so. gosh, i don't even want a guy who's perfect or hot. i just want someone who's funny/goofy, has nice hair and smile and who really truly respects me for who i am. even though this is true of most guys, it would be great if he was a big hockey fan.

oh well, i'm doomed for life and that is a fact!

well, the past few weeks have been strange. the oilers came back from a 3-1 loss to make it a 3-3 tie to lose to carolina in game 7 of the stanley cup finals. sigh, that was sad. however, i'm only disappointed 'cause the majority of carolina's team are babies. in edmonton's game 3 win (which i was there for) half of the hurricanes (including their coach) were crying over the officiating when in fact they were quite lucky. whatevs, u big dumb babies!

moving on, well no one thought it would happen, but the rumors were beginning to fly during the regular season. defencemen chris pronger wanted to be traded. now, their were rumours earlier that his wife had family troubles in the east. later the rumour changed to his wife and possibly himself didn't like living here. the latest rumour was that he got a random girl pregnant. there were 3 different girls. one was a 19 yr old sh. park girl, another was the weather lady from city tv and i can't remember the 3rd. so, if the latter is true, that's quite sad. if u were going to be with a girl my age and from sh. park, why not choose me? k, i don't wanna have sex or make out or anything, i just wanna tell people "i went out with chris pronger!". hehe. it doesn't help that u were my first hockey crush from a few years ago. sigh, u should tell us what really happened, of course the entire city will be disappointed, especially 'cause u were traded to anaheim! k, so much for the first rumour being true. seriously, why do we have to face u? ugggh, it doesn't help that ur like the top or one of the top defencemen in the league! bastard!

sigh, why did spezza re-sign with the sens. bah, u should come to edmonton. k, maybe not. i know i have a crush on u and of course, if u come here u'll be with every gorgeous drunk girl, so that won't work! maybe it'll work out later. hehe. he's a weird kid, i must say. he "giggles" a lot. i put that in quotes for poorna's sake.

well, work's okay. i don't really enjoy being a cashier. there's too much pressure involved. yeesh, how in the hell am i supposed to remember every single little rule! gosh! at least most of my co-workers are friendly and helpful. some, on the other hand, are kinda mean.

i went on another book shopping spree. it was 15% off everything in the store this past monday for staff and their families (the next day was 15% off for everyone else) and i purchased a LOT of books! wow, i really need to curb my spending habits! ive bought like 10 mags in the past 2 weeks! k, maybe not that much, but still. its crazy!! i bought the first book of the lemony snicket series. the unfortunate events series. i like it so far.